rant
exams are finally over. i didn't put in my best effort, i know. and yet i'm still hoping to get a credit/merit (whatever you call it). my laziness is astounding. i didn't put much effort into my research thesis eventhough it carries so many marks. my desire to get a credit cannot even motivate me to study harder. i think i started slacking after sem 1. my grades just went down from there. and after 3 years of letting my brain rot, i am not able to make it work again. my laziness has consumed me. i've just devolved into one lazy pathetic antisocial blob of mass.night after exams, people are out watching the man u-chelsea match and doing stuff. eelynn's watching it with marco. van's having a dinner with her bible study people in the dining room. didn't want to join them coz i don't know them and i don't know christianity. naz, j1, etc are at a pub watching the match and drinking beer with some local batchmates. didn't want to join them coz i'm not interested in beer and who knows how long they will sit there and i think they also want to go clubbing after.
i am antisocial. because i am a boring person with no substance, and i have nothing to talk about with people. because i feel self-conscious and awkward when i have nothing to talk about so i avoid social events with people i'm not close to. because don't like activities like drinking (well i don't mind a bit but i don't want to get drunk), partying and clubbing. because i am lazy to go out, lazy to talk. because i have gotten used to being alone in my room and i get grouchy when i'm made to do things i don't want to. i think glasgow is bad for me. i don't think i was this antisocial before.
i wonder what will happen to me back in kuching. my friends are in other states and other countries. i barely know anyone in kuching anymore. because i was so quiet back in school. because i am boring and shy and self-conscious and substanceless. sigh. i'm going back to a stupid job, probably in stupid places. i'm not interested in anything. i have no goals, no ambitions. 21+ years of pointless existence.
yes, i am pms-ing. house got me sobbing. i'm gonna watch how i met your mother now.
posted by Cherie @ 4:18 am
4 Comments:
sometimes i feel the same as u. its okay to feel that way we all do. hugs
you are not boring! and you have me when you are in kuching but you know la some people never keep in touch with me unless they want to ask you how to get into imu!
we love you cherie..i am sure you will do well in your exam cherie..don't think too much k? * hugs..
and you are not substanceless!!
sigh. thank u.
Post a Comment
<< Home